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Wednesday, April 2, 2014

My Ten Suggestions To Make It Through Baseball Season (B for A-Z Challenge like you couldn't figure that out)

I’ve been offering up a word of the week on Wednesdays to my Facebook pals. Give me a word and I’ll use it as a prompt. I figured why not do it for the A to Z challenge?  So what do I end up with? Baseball. America’s favorite past time, but not my favorite subject to write about. I was afraid that would happen. Some other suggestions were boobs, bedazzled and bailiwick (whatever that means). Alas, they were not first so baseball it is.

I can see why baseball popped into my friend’s head and why she subsequently passed it on to me. It’s opening day for the season in the town we live in on Saturday. It’s a really big deal here kicking off with a parade. The kids dress in uniform, toddle down the main road as parents schlep alongside with cameras so they can get the first shot of little Taylor or Hunter with his team. The parade is followed by a day of back-to-back games, chow and camaraderie. It’s great -- if you like baseball that is.

I love my kids and I will be there watching paint dry, I mean every game. Little league baseball can be really b-o-r-i-n-g. Even to the kids playing. There’s a lot of down time and the games seem to go on forever. At least we are spared a full nine innings. But how else are these kids going to learn to pitch, hit, field and catch? They’ve got to start somewhere. Sigh.

So here are my ten suggestions to make it through baseball season:

1)   Try to get your kid on a team with parents you actually like. You are going to spend a lot of time with these people. Cajole, finagle, bribe whoever it is that drafts your team because if you end up on the team with the close talker who eats too many onions it’s going to be a very long season.
2)   Get a dog. For some reason the parents who bring dogs to the games seem a lot happier to me. Maybe it’s because the dogs give them an excuse to get up and walk around more? Although scooping up poop is a big trade-off.
3)   Sometimes you just have to embrace the Solo Cup- -- particularly if it’s a Friday night game. Another reason you should like the parents on your team. Or at least have ones that won’t judge you too harshly.
4)   Keep a million blankets in the car. It can be a balmy seventy degrees in your yard at home, but it will somehow turn into the tundra down at the field the minute you get there. Otherwise expect to be shivering before the second inning is over.
5)   Bring healthy snacks. You will need sustenance and the snack bar is way too alluring for one trapped watching paint dry.
6)   Make sure your phone battery is at 100% to ensure you can discreetly peruse Facebook or play Candy Crush when necessary.
7)   You are in for the long haul so bring your own chair (preferably one with a cup holder for your Solo cup) or one of those padded seats for the bleachers. Comfort is key and cold metal bleachers are not tush or over forty friendly.
8)   Borrow or have a baby. Napping, breast-feeding or colic can get you a pass.
9)   Take your Zyrtec or Clariton. Pollen and baseball season are buddies. Otherwise every spring breeze will make you want to hit yourself in the head with the bat.
10)                   Run around the bases just once while no one is around. Why? It’s fun. You’ll feel like a kid again and suddenly it will all seem worth it.

1 comment:

  1. #8 cracked me up. "Borrow or have a baby!"

    Do you write comedy? I'm looking forward to exploring your blog and reading more posts in the A to Z Challenge. Good luck!

    JC Gatlin